The Pain Is Over

My feet still haven’t touched the ground. My throat is raw and scratchy. My voice is shot. I sound like Jennifer Tilly after several rounds of scotch and cigarettes at a Poker tournament. Myself, and everyone around me, are acting like we’re in a Dr. Pepper commercial. My brain still can’t wrap around the idea that, yes goddamit!!, we fucking won a game! And completely ruined the NFL’s hopes of having an 0-14 team meet a 14-0 team in the process. Fuck you NFL! Sunday's overtime win over the Ravens marked the first time in NFL history a 1-13 team and their fans celebrated like they had just won the Super Bowl.

At first, this game had all the makings of a typical semi-tractor-trailer-tire-crushing-your-nut-sack vibe the Dolphins seemed to have perfected this season. The kind that says, “Look! We’re gonna win! We’re gonna win!!! Nah, I’m just fucking with you. We’re not gonna win.” First, we made the fatal mistake of knocking Kyle Boller out of the game. After all, our defense loves and excels at giving opposing backup quarterbacks their Joe Montana moment. Then, after we take a 16-13 lead with less than a minute to go, and all those feelings of vindication and celebration begin to bubble up within our collective cockles, our kicker – who inexplicably wears gloves in 85 degree weather – kicks the ball out of bounds, giving Joe Montana Troy Smith and the Ravens the ball at the 40. The Ravens, of course, drive all the way down the field and kick the game-tying field goal, forcing overtime. And suddenly the old familiar crap-feelings were back. Oh no. Please God. Not again. The Ravens won the coin toss. The Ravens marched the ball down our throats. Yes, God hates you and your children and thinks your sister is a dirty, smelly whore. So when Matt Stover lined up to attempt the game winning 44-yarder, it was DEFCON 1. Total and complete nuclear meltdown. My head spun. My stomach churned. And there was significant shrinkage, even though I hadn’t been anywhere near cold water. It seemed as if God was going to allow this shit to happen to us yet again. But, as it turns out, God decided it was enough already and Stover’s kick sailed wide-left. We had new life. All we needed was to get into field goal range. But oh my did we get so much more.

Enter our hero: Greg Wes Welker Is A Limey Little Pussy Camarillo!

The overall magnitude of this particular Fuck Yea! Moment cannot be overstated. We were headed towards infamy the likes of which franchises never recover from. It was the Season of Shitstiny. The worst team ever! The 0-14 1976 Bucs were at least lovable in a Three Stooges meet the Bad News Bears kind of way. This Dolphins team, being a complete wreaking ball to your groin, cactus enema, rip your heart out and shove it up your rectum kind of team, had no such redeeming qualities. Our lone highlight from the last 16 games had been a creepy giant animatronics Jason Taylor. But a dude named Camarillo said "Fuck that noise!" And slayeth the dragon.

Also, Jason Taylor has balls of steel. Greg Camarillo: Cojones de metal. Cleo Lemon: Not quite steel balls but they are a metallic-like alloy of some kind. Same goes for Lorenzo and Marty Booker. All five of these guys played a significant role in getting us our first win in over a year. Sweet baby Jesus it’s been a long time. And it feels so damn good.

So Merry Christmas, Fins Nation! Turns out God doesn’t quite hate us after all. He just kinda tries to avoid us at parties. But that’s cool. I can live with that for now.

The pain is over.

Comments

[Lady Phin]

Camarillo's stock just went up...where the hell did this guy come from and I'm glad he came wearing a Dolphins jersey...

If they beat New England - wait, i'm getting ahead of myself...

LP :)

[miamiboi84]

Greg is the man!!! with him and Ginn and hagan (if he can get his hands to work) we should be set at WR for a long time FIRST WIN!!!

[JD]

Holy F Balls. Am I a bitch for being way to happy and upset yesterday at the same time?

Nah.

[vman]

Does anyone know Matt Stover's address. I'd like to send him a nice fruit basket!!!

I think I saw Dr. Zaius jump from Cam's back right onto Brian Billick!!! Enjoy the fucking monkey Raven's fans.

We won!!! Hallelujha, holy shit!!

[Dat RoRo Kid]

Seriously, why weren't we using Lorenzo Booker in that way since Day One??? I'm still having a New Year's party in my fucking head!!!

Go Dolphins!!! I love that fucking team!

[JD]

I seriously felt like I was watching the baby Marlins win a walk off.

Great stuff.

[vman]

DRK, Exactly!!! He reminds me of Warrick Dunn. Why were they hiding him? The only reason I can think of is purely based on his size. Maybe they didn't think he could take the pounding early on?
Don't know myself, but he is fun to watch.

[Dat RoRo Kid]

Yup, vman. Totally exciting. I gotta look up his YPC because he seemed to get 6 or 7 yards per clip. I wonder what he can do next year with Ronnie back there.

[bartlebysmiles]

Huizenga still should sell the team, but it feels like Christmas came early this year. Awkward man-hugs never looked so good.

[Brian]

Give Cameron his props. He may make some mistakes, but his players play their ass off for him. Jason Taylor blocking that field goal going into halftime. On a 0-13 team. A player who may not be back next year. That's character.

This may be a turning point for this franchise. Not this year, but in the long run. They've learned a valuable lesson. Stay together as a team, win as a team. Never give up.

I'm only 30 (although my younger friends rarely use the word "only" when referring to my age), but this was the most enjoyable win I've ever had as a Dolfan.

[Glenn from BC]

Well said Brian. We bash Cam in the bad times but we need to give him some slack for this game -- and that 3 and 8 call to Camarillo.

This game is right up there for me too. Along with the Monday nighter against the Bears in '86 and the clock play against the Jets in '94.

[Coral Gables Dave]

Yes! Big props to Turd Ferguson! Who has earned the right to be called Cam Cameron again! Nice job Hoosier Man!! Yeahhh!!!!

[Coral Gables Dave]

I'm drunk.

[srdnaty]

when do the patriots steal him from us?

[finfan1]

Wow... at least for the next couple of days, life is not going to be an unending suffering dark void. I'm keeping my ticket stub for posterity.

[dolfinosteel]

What do you guys think of this future prospect:

In free agency, get either T.J. who's-your-momma or Chad Johnson for our new #1 receiver. Pick up Tightend Alge Crumpler or Tony Gonzales.
Draft Mcfadden as top pick.

Use the rest of the draft picks to fill up on the defensive side of the ball.

[finfan1]

I like it alot!

[Jason]

Greg Camarillo's holding call against the Bills, negating the Ted Ginn punt return for a TD:

So..... FORGIVEN!!!!

[vman]

DRK,
looks like L. booker had 6 catches for 60 yards. that's a 10 ypc damn good!!!

[Danesy]

I freakin' love this team! They are so loveable!!!!

Does anyone have a link to the radio call when they won? Someone here told me that it's amazing, and I have to hear it. So if anyone here knows where I can find that I would really appreciate it.

GO FINS!!!!! :)

[miamiboi84]

http://www.nfl.com/videos?videoId=09000d5d805248bb

This isnt the radio call but its that final play of OT so its still good

[Danesy]

Thank you miamiboi84 - I caught that earlier.

I just wanted to hear the radio guy call it. I heard it was goosebump inducing! I live in Jersey, so I don't get to hear stuff like that.

I will check back tomorrow to see if someone else responded, but thanks guys in advance!

[JD]

Danesy, I will have the radio call for you in an hour. Check back!

[JD]

There you go Danesy.

http://www.sportech.info/2007/12/17/jimmy-joe-and-maddog-with-the-call/

[Lady Phin]

LMAO at them calling him "Rich" Camarillo...classic!

Thanks JD for the clip, how are you by the way?

LP :)

[JD]

Hangin and bangin LP. Going to enjoy a nice vacation soon. This week should be a real nice one.

GO PHINS!!

[Danesy]

Thank you soooooooo much JD! I got chills listening to that. You could just hear how happy they were, kinda the way I was freaking out, of course living in Jersey I had to wait for the stupid highlights ... but still!

Now we just have to beat NE ... :)

No jinx!

[rojowill]

Sweet Jesus I missed it! But I did catch the highlights. And yea, good catch of the audio JD!