FinsNation

Link Dump, brought to you by Samson Satele and Tony Sparano's neck roll

• DRK posted about this yesterday. My take on it is that John Harbaugh tried to defend his offensive coordinator and did a poor job and things really blew up in his face like a bag filled with shit and lit firecrackers. The best part is that players and fans were already jacked up about facing Cam Cameron's offense anyway. Harbaugh simply stoked the flames by being a total dick. The other thing I found funny is that Harbaugh took a swipe at the players Cam was "forced" to use (you know, guys like Ted Ginn Jr. and Cleo Lemon). The very same players who beat the team he's coaching right now. Finally, lost in all this madness is poor Cam Cameron and his talking penis (which I hear is really angry at Harbaugh and could be heard railing against the head coach during their film sessions). Cam probably wanted to sneak into Miami quietly, go to work and go home. There might have been an article or two about his return, but it would've been relatively quiet -- especially coming off that close-loss to the Texans. Now the poor schlep has become the story of the week, thanks to his jackass head coach who tried to talk tough but instead came across like a total douchenozzle.

• Pro Bowl voting started this week. The Miami Herald says that very early national results given to them by a league source indicates that Ronnie Brown, Joey Porter and Jake Long are leading all AFC players at their positions. Let's make that official.

Cam Cameron and His Penis Just Helped Themselves To An Extra Healthy Portion of Cock Soup on Sunday

 

We here at FN don’t suffer fools lightly so it pains me greatly to - not only reference the comment of a rookie-head coach-fool that is constantly confused for someone else named Harbaugh – but to hyperlink to the other fool that provided me with this nugget of animosity.   The latter alone makes me shiver with disgust. 

Apparently John Harbaugh has a deathwish out for his career and his team by making the comment below in reference to his Offensive Coordinator Cam Cameron during a conference call with the media on Wednesday.  Let’s get it over with:

"Cam's going to be a great match as a football coach for every situation," Harbaugh said during a conference call with the Miami media Wednesday. "He can coach. Everywhere he's been, he's been a very effective coach. He was an effective coach in Miami last year, even though the results weren't what people were hoping for. He did a great job there, with what he had to work with."

 Wha-wha-whaaaaat?!?!?!?!

Greg Camarillo and Matt Roth Go on a Blind Double-Date

The girls will be meeting us in half an hour. You ready, Roth?

YEA!!! LET'S DO THIS!!!

Take it down a notch. Tonight is date night. So no Game-Day Roth, okay? Let's not have another incident like the last time when you scared that poor girl to death. Be nice. Be friendly.

OH MAN! OKAY! OKAY!

Okay... I'm all set.

ME TOO!!! LET'S DO THIS!!!

A Cold Wet Dose of Reality to Our Collective Groin Area

Well shit on a turtle, that was frustrating.

When the Fins defense caught those two early interceptions and The Leprechaun Patrick Cobbs left his Pot 'o Gold at the end of the rainbow to come to Houston to score a 53-yard and an 80-yard touchdown, and it seemed like Joey Porter was going to turn Texans left tackle Duane Brown into his own personal hand-puppet and have himself a career day, and we took that early 14-3 lead, I figured I should just sit back, relax and enjoy the show. Then our weaknesses kicked in. And they kicked in hard.

First off, there's our special teams. Holy titty-fuck does this unit suck. We all witnessed just how shitty they are when we played the Patriots and New England kept returning our kickoffs to the 40. Yesterday, the Dolphins coverage team gift wrapped that win for the Texans with a pretty little bow, while taking a shit in a box and Fed Exing it to us, the fans. Simply put, Jacoby Jones' 70-yard touchdown return was the difference in this game. No question in my mind. He doesn't take it to the house, we win. Period.

Game Day Open Thread

Duck vaginas.... comment away....

-The DUDE

Keys To The Game: Dolphins at Texans

Before we move on, two things really pissed me off this week:

It’s absolutely stupefying that Ronnie Brown, Vernon Carey and Ikechuku Ndukwe (I had to check the spelling on that one like 5 times) all got fined $10,000 for a crappy endzone dance that didn’t even last very long.  The NFL really has become the No Fun League.  It used to be that it was a haven for coke and whores as well as colorful expressions of accomplishment – whether on the individual or team level.   There is so much pressure and professionalism attached to the NFL in addition to all the scrutiny, that there has to be some sort of outlet.  So what the fuck happened?  Why are they pussying up the one sport I absolutely love to the point that I’ll watch two teams I couldn’t give a fuck about on a hungover Monday night?  To misappropriate a concept Chris Rock so eloquently put recently:  If the NHL was hanging off a cliff and all it need was a fuck to save it and I had a pocket full of fucks, I wouldn’t spare one.  So why are people that have never played the sport trying to ruin the one thing I’d give up all my fucks for in any situation (except the Pats, Bills or Jets)???  Shit, there’s even a conduct policy for the fans!

I loved Warren Sapp when he was at the U.  I even kinda liked him as a player throughout the years and did laugh at some of the remarks he’d make from time to time.  He’s a Florida boy through and through and that’s always a huge plus in my book so I tend to give them tremendous poetic license.  However, Mr. Sapp really really pissed me off this week in saying the Wildcat offense was ‘disrespectful’.  The fuck?  How in the fuck is it ‘disrespectful’?  Last I checked, there are 11 guys on each side of the ball when the Wildcat lines up.  Was it also disrespectful when the faggot Patriots were running up the score on every team last year or was it a ‘prolific’ offense???  Worst of all is the explanation that Warren gives is downright fucking stupid.  It doesn’t even make sense.  It’s an interesting play.  It uses an uncommon formation with an unbalanced line.  It spiced up our offense, galvanized our team and has taken the NFL by storm.  Since that play was implemented, we’re a new team with renewed confidence so fuck you in your double cheeseburger ass, Warren Sapp.  May your next order of 50 chicken wings be your last!

The Keys to the Game:

Warren Sapp Thinks Mother Teresa was Disrespectful to Poor Sick Children for Helping Out all Those Poor Sick Children, and Other Deep Thoughts

Warren Sapp says that the Wildcat formation is being disrespectful to defenses:

"[The Wildcat] is disrespectful to all defenses. It's disrespectful. You're taking the best player in the game, the quarterback, and you're putting him out wide, outside the numbers, and you put the running back in the back..."

Other deep, scholarly musings from Warren Sapp:

"When the fire department keeps your house from burning down, that’s just disrespectful to the fire."

"When you watch a movie with your eyes open, that’s just disrespectful to the movie."

"I don't warn people I'm about to have sex with that I have ghonneria. That's just disrespectful to ghonneria."

"When you don’t sucker block someone 52-yards away from the play and nearly end their career, that’s just disrespectful to... hey pork chops!"

"When you don’t challenge an old man twice your age to a fight while you’re still wearing a helmet and shoulder pads, that’s just disrespectful to old people."

"When you read a book, that’s just disrespectful to your brain."

"When you actually shit into the toilet, that’s just disrespectful to the toilet. Not to mention your maid who gets paid to clean your shit off the kitchen floor."

"When you don’t act like a paranoid attention-craving fucktard, that’s just disrespectful to paranoid attention-craving fucktards.

"When you put Preparation-H on a hemorrhoid, that’s just disrespectful to the hemorrhoid."

"When you eat a half dozen jelly donuts covered in maple syrup and mayonnaise, that’s just fucking delicious."

-The DUDE

Roy Williams a Dolphin? Yes, please!

Five days til the NFL trade deadline, which means it's that time of year again. Time to talk about trades that will never happen! Hooray!

The Lions' Roy Williams is the guy Parcells needs to go get. Now, dammit! The reasons are plentyful:

1.) Our best reciever right now is Greg Camarillo. Let me say that again: Greg Camarillo.
2.) Roy is unhappy in Detroit, and the fans certainly don't want him there. Meanwhile, rumors of him wanting to be traded have been swirling since last season.
3.) He's a free agent at the end of the season and there doesn't seem to be a huge demand for him right now, which means the Fins could actually get him on the cheap lest the Lions risk losing him and getting nothing for their troubles.
4.) He wants to bang your sister. Okay maybe not. But you should totally let him if he did.

Roy is only 26 and a playmaker. And he's capable of having a thousand yard season when he's properly motivated, as he did in 2006. So, Parcells needs to make this happen. What do you guys think? Yes? No? What would/should we offer Detroit for Williams? I'd give up a 3rd rounder for him. Then do everything possible to keep him here for the long-term. Then we can worry about drafting other positions instead of drafting a rookie receiver and then waiting for him to develop. Chad Henne, Roy Williams, Ronnie Brown. Sounds lovely.

And kudos to Salguero for bringing this up on his blog as well. Gee, the wonders of actually talking FOOTBALL on a FOOTBALL blog! What a concept! Ass.

-The DUDE

It's A Trap!

Ethan Skolnick brings up a very interesting point about this week's opponent, the 0-4 Houston Texans:

...after beating the Patriots and Chargers, the trip to Houston qualifies as a bit of a letdown. Even though Tony Sparano wasn't here until this season, he would be wise to remind his players about the Dolphins' recent history against the Texans. The Dolphins are 0-3 against Houston, and there have been some horrible moments.

This is true. No matter how shitty the Texans are playing, they always seem to find their mojo against the Fins. It's really rather irritating. 

Stuff White People Shouldn't Try, and Ronnie's Awesomeness is Getting Noticed

SI's Bucky Brooks lays out the truth: Ronnie Brown has officially entered the offensive player of the year race. Word. Come correct! Fo sheezy! Fabulous!

-The DUDE